What a beautiful year it has been. It was the year to gain weight, run a half marathon, a few relays, hit our 1 year house anniversary, get one more kid in school, and actually meet all my neighbors. I haven't been on my blog in so long and I'm sure people have missed me :-) Especially because no one reads it.

So, I kind of had a discovery this year. Did you know that your body burns about 1200-1400 calories just sitting around? Crazy huh? Did you know that a lot of "diets" that are suggested to people are about 900-1200 calories a day? Yea, kind of stupid. I figure that's why I quit losing weight. This year was all about eating enough. You know what can happen to your body when you start eating enough and still exercising but giving your body a break and some time to heal? You can gain weight. I gained 28lbs this year trying to retrain it and let it know that I will be nice to it and feed it.

I started working on this in December and finally this October I am down to a 26lb gain. Crazy, yes, but it had to be done. One crappy side effect was my running speed went down. I went from a 10 min mile to a 13 min mile. It's getting better, but carrying around more weight takes some getting used to when running. I'm still running 3 days a week and lifting 4-6 days, depending on my mood. I try to get in 1 day of yoga and I love it. I love that I have energy and feel good. I love that I no longer put any foods off limits. If I want a candy bar, I have one. I don't go all out of control. I listen to my body. I let my do the talking. This didn't come easy, but it came.

I feel like this is kind of how I do things. I start out all out of control, read everything I can, push it to the extreme and then a couple years later I ease up. I've done this with money/budget stuff, birthing information, and now exercise and nutrition. I love the moderation in all things and am wondering what my next obsession will be :-) I am still working on accepting my body even if I'm not the weight I think I should be. That one has been years in the process, but I hope to get there, soon.

Winter blues

I know it's been a while and I feel bad about coming and whining but I just can't take it anymore! I've mentioned how I've dealt with depression before, but it's gotten better with exercising regularly. I used to get it really bad in the winter but we've had such mild winters recently that I haven't noticed a big problem. This year is different. It's been below freezing all month. It snowed a lot 3 weeks ago and we keep getting inversion after inversion. I can't see the sun and I'm pretty sure my body is craving vitamin D. I know I could just take a supplement but I want some good old sun!

We actually went to Disneyland over Christmas break and it was cold. They got frost a couple nights and I wore my sweater and coat the entire time. I'm not supposed to leave freezing cold snow and go to not as cold for a vacation! Of course they are having 70 degree weather now that I'm not there.

The most amazing thing about all this is that it used to take me forever to realize I was off. I would stew and hate everyone and everything around me for months! I would just blame myself for being so sad all the time and that I must be doing something wrong, but now I am able to see it faster. I'm again realizing I don't hate my body. It does wonderful things for me. I can walk, run, lift weights, and hug my husband and kids. I am still worth something, even if I don't clean my house every day. I don't have to be the funniest person or the prettiest. I just have to be me. It only took me 1 week of complete and utter orneriness to figure it out. I have to say, that's impressive.

So, what am I going to do about it? Try to notice when I can feel the frustration boiling up. Give myself some time outs. Probably eat some ice cream and go shipping. Continue exercising 6 days a week. Share my feelings and apologize when I feel out of control. I can't control the weather. I can only control myself and I'm going to do my best to do that without beating myself up over it.