Friendship

I had an incident over a very dumb thing happen with a friend. I whined and complained to a few people and then I didn't want it to turn into gossip so I said I would stop. I told everyone and myself that I'm over it, I just don't care anymore. You know what though? I do care. I can't seem to make myself not think about it. I've tried apologizing twice and haven't gotten a response. I tell myself it'll be OK and I need to stop worrying about it but I can't seem to do it.

I thought maybe typing it out would help, but when I saw this person tonight, it was just awkward. I can't seem to figure out what to do. Maybe I should say something but maybe that won't help. I really don't know but I do hope this gets better and doesn't stay awkward. I'm not a fan of drama and would like to get on with things.

Lessons learned

It's funny being a fourth time mom compared to a first time. I was discussing this with a friend who was going to a baby shower and the theme was "what you couldn't live without".

When I had my first, I thought I couldn't live without everything! I had to have the play pen, car seat/stroller combo, lots and lots of clothes! After my second, I actually sold all that stuff! I got a nice double jogger, because I loved walking everywhere! I got a car seat that goes rear and forward facing that actually stays in the car.

Then there were the ideals. I was going to be with my first baby all the time! I was the only one who was going to take care of him and have him attach to only Ryan and me. He was hardly out of my sight. When I had my third, I think I left her at home with Ryan while I went shopping for about 7 hours. There was no way I was away from my first two that long!

My babies don't start eating solids until they're 9 months. I'm nice and lazy that way and like for them to just get breastmilk and then after trying everything, they go straight to table foods. Oh and don't even think about giving one of my babies junk! Are you kidding me? No ice cream, no chocolate, none of that stuff.

Well, Bear has had french fries, ice cream, chocolate and any sort of not good for you stuff. Oh and he loves it! We gave him a squeeze it punch thing the kids had and holy cow, he freaked out when I took it away. I think I'm going back to my ideals for that one.

The lessons I've learned since having my first are that I thought I knew everything my baby and I needed, but really there is always something new to learn.

I've also learned that really, all babies need is their mommy. Oh and sometimes their daddy.

Fuddy Duddy

When did I become a fuddy duddy? I feel like I'm so serious and I used to be such a goof off. I know, we grow up, blah blah blah. I want to be fun again! (by the way, I analyze my personality WAY too often!)

I feel like it started when I got married and moved to Salt Lake. Ryan was going to school and work and I was so out of my comfort zone. I went from having so many friends and being out ALL the time, to doing nothing! There also felt like this separation in the student apartments. There were the moms and the not moms. The moms all hung out with each other and the not moms waited for their husbands to get home. They were our comfort zones. Sometimes it felt like I should have a baby just so I could have friends. Obviously not a good reason......

So now, almost 10 years later, what am I doing about it? Not a whole lot. I need to start being more fun with my kids. Instead of sitting on the computer reading, why don't I get down with them and play. I need to take them out to the park more and stop using all the excuses I can come up with. I need to stop saying "I don't have many friends to talk to" and just make the best out of the situation I've been dealt. I should also stop hiding behind my inadequacies and remember who I want to be and not care what others think I should be.

These are good options, right? I mean I know I have to grow up but do I have to be ornery all the time?