Redefining success

So I decided I wanted to blog about my most recent therapy session. By the way, I'm back in therapy and it's been interesting this time around. I have recently learned that I have ADHD. Something I've learned about ADHD is that it can often come with other things. I am lucky enough to have anxiety on top of it and the depression I already knew I had. I decided to go see about these issues because my 2nd son has anxiety and ADHD. I've also taken my oldest and youngest to see a Neuropsychologist and strangely enough they both have ADHD too and my youngest has dyslexia. I have learned that all of these things are hereditary, which is so fun for us.

Because of all of these things, my therapist told me I may need to redefine my ideas of what success means. 

ADHD is defined as behavioral: aggression, excitability, fidgeting, hyperactivity, impulsivity, irritability, lack of restrain, or persistent repetition of words or actions. Cognitive: absent-mindedness, difficulty focusing, forgetfulness, problem paying attention, or short attention span. Mood: anger, anxiety, boredom, excitement, or mood swings. Most of these things happen in my house on a daily basis and I'm working on the skills to deal with them right now. The definition of success is, the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. When someone with ADHD "squirrels" it's hard to pull them back to finish what they're currently working on. 

Last night we were helping our youngest read a book. Learning that he has dyslexia should hopefully help us with this, but trying to read a 10 page book, with a tiny paragraph on it and very few words, took us over an hour to do. I discussed this with my therapist and he asked if I thought that he got anything out of that hour. I said he probably got some of it, but I've learned with my older kids that once their attention is gone, it's really hard to bring it back. He suggested that maybe realizing that reading just one page was a success, especially because for right now his ADHD and dyslexia aren't being treated yet. Once we can learn skills to help him with these things, we can raise our expectations of success, but until then, this might have to do.

Redefining success for myself is not determining my own success on how well my kids do in school. It is letting them learn to solve their own problems. I can't swoop in and save the day every time they have a problem or a missing assignment, if they can't learn how to have accomplishments and failures at this young age, how are they going to be able to cope with these things as adults? If I don't teach them, then they'll get to that point and not have the skills to deal with it on their own. Of course I'm still their mom and I am still here to teach them, but they need to learn for themselves.

If you want to read more about these things, the Wikipedia page for adhd and dyslexia are really informative. I'm.also including information about generalized anxiety disorder and depression.

ADHD
Dyslexia
GAD, aka Geralized anxiety disorder
Depression
PMDD, aka Pre mestrual dismphoric disorder